Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Last week I was sitting outside a coffee shop reading a book on my kindle when a youngish guy walked by carrying a coffee and a computer, looking for a place to sit. Since all of the tables were occupied and he was looking a bit displaced, I offered him a seat at my table. Relieved, he sat down and expressed his gratitude. I promptly went back to my reading but I could feel his eyes boring into me as I anticipated the dreaded question. "What are you reading?" he finally blurted. Now I know this is neither a profound nor earth-shattering inquiry but there were two problems at hand here. One, I'm terrible at summarizing books. Just awful. (Which you're about to discover.) There's just something about the vast amount of information that I'm pressured to wrap into one or two sentences that completely overwhelms and paralyzes me. And two, I was reading a book about shame and vulnerability. Which ironically, I was ashamed to admit for fear of being vulnerable. Clearly, I had just started reading the book. Part of me was tempted to lie to youngish guy by replying, "oh, it's just some silly novel." But then it occurred to me how shameful it would be to lie about reading a book about shame and vulnerability instead of just being vulnerable. Besides, as I'm sure it's obvious--I could use the practice. "I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. It's about shame and vulnerability and how shame can truly only dissipate by allowing yourself to be vulnerable", I quickly blurted. Allowing myself to be vulnerable led Patrick and I into a conversation for the next hour. Patrick, if you're reading this, c'était une joie pour vous rencontrer. (If this is wrong I blame Google translate.) This moment of unabashed vulnerability with Patrick was the beginning of a major shift in my life. And I have Daring Greatly to thank for that.* I've always been one to be honest and open but Brene Brown's writing in Daring Greatly takes openness to another level. She reinforces what I've known all along but been afraid of admitting--that vulnerability leads to happiness. Or as Brown calls it, "wholeheartedness". And I, and maybe you too, could damn well use some wholeheartedness in my life. We're living in a culture of `never enough'. I'm certainly feeling it. Are you? I never work hard enough, I don't help others enough, I'm not successful enough, I don't eat healthy enough... and on and on. These thoughts of `never enough' turn into feelings of shame and fear. How do we combat shame and fear? By being vulnerable and expressing gratitude, according to Brené Brown. And now, according to me. Following Brene's advice and expertise garnered through her research and life stories, truly does work. It was the reading of Daring Greatly that prompted me to finally divulge my long kept secret of my history with an eating disorder; which wound up being my highest trafficked blog post of all time. As Brown explains, we're drawn to other's vulnerability but repelled by our own. Are you living with shame? Do you always feel an underlying itch of `never enough'? Do you find yourself disconnecting from people you love? If any of these questions ring true then I hope you'll read this book for yourself. Even if they don't ring true, read this book. It truly is a game changer. Buy It Right. This. Minute. Sit your butt down for an hour, and start reading. I promise you won't want to stop. I promise.Then come back to me and practice your newfound vulnerability. I'll appreciate and love every drop of the real you. And eventually, you will too. That's the truth. [...] *If you'll note the vulnerability here in that I'm attempting to review a book, despite my fear of reviewing books.

Daring Greatly is a very good book with a powerful message about courage, vulnerability, and showing up fully in life. It is thoughtful, inspiring, and easy to connect with, especially for anyone interested in personal growth, leadership, relationships, or becoming more honest and intentional in how they live. The book gives a strong reminder that vulnerability is not weakness, but part of real courage. Overall, this is a meaningful and valuable read.

One of the most transformative books I have read. This is a powerful, life-changing book that completely reframes how we think about vulnerability. Instead of treating vulnerability as weakness, Brene Brown uses research, storytelling, and deep empathy to show that it is actually the foundation of courage, connection, and wholehearted living. I loved that her writing is both accessible and profound, blending data with real human experiences in a way that feels honest and relatable. Whether she’s discussing leadership, relationships, parenting, or self-worth, she challenges readers to show up, be seen, and live bravely even when there are no guarantees. This book doesn’t just inspire; it equips you with practical insights to build resilience, embrace uncertainty, and lead with authenticity. Daring Greatly is a must-read for anyone who wants to live more courageously, connect more deeply, and step into their life with confidence and compassion. It’s a book I will return to very often and highly recommend

This is an insightful book about navigating through life. It is at times a bit redundant and a bit hard to follow, but with effort the reader can garner a great many thought provoking ideas about how we can better function as individuals, as parents, as friends, and in the workplace. The author’s fundamental message is that the basic need of humans is connection–it is why we are here- and that real connection only comes through exposing and accepting our vulnerabilities. She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure” , love probably being the best example. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings with those who have earned the right to hear them–those with whom we have built a true level of trust. This circle of confidants is, for most people, quite small, limited to family and the closest of friends. Indeed, as I read I had to think of those every few people who I could truly trust, not just to keep confidences, but to accept my admission of vulnerability and help me move forward and perhaps try new approaches without being judgmental. The author notes how this kind of trust is a product of vulnerability and requires work and full engagement. I also thought, particularly later when she talked about children and young people, whether they had the ability to find such a trusting friend among their peers. Young people can be so fickle and also so cruel, and are rarely mature enough to recognize the harm that their words and actions produce. A parent can offer the maturity, and the unconditional love necessary for trust, but children, particularly as they age, have a heightened reluctance to bring parents within their circle of trust. The author speaks more to this when she turns specifically to parenting. Since connection is so important, disconnection is a great fear. The author defines shame as the fear of disconnection. Shame is also the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and thus unworthy of love and belonging. I felt that her definition of shame was the fear of “not measuring up”. She characterizes the difference between shame and guilt as the difference between thinking “I am bad”, as opposed to thinking “I did something bad”. Although this may seem at first blush like semantics, a second look, especially when dealing with children, shows that it is a distinction with a difference. The basic thrust of the book is being able to work through shame, as opposed to hiding from it or otherwise deflecting it without facing it head on. She describes this as “shame resilience”, the ability to recognize shame and understand its triggers, to practice critical awareness to move through the experience without sacrificing values, and to come through the experience with more courage, compassion and empathy. She again stresses sharing our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding. If we can do so, then shame can’t survive. When speaking of shame the author links it to what she describes as our culture of scarcity. This is obviously not basic deprivation, but a culture that sends a message that there is never enough–we are never good looking enough, strong enough, successful enough, rich enough, and countless other areas where we don’t measure up. She posits that our culture tells us that an ordinary life is meaningless, that only the extraordinary deserves recognition. Her research shows that there are very set cultural expectations for both females and males. Our culture tells women to be nice, to pursue a thin body ideal, be modest, be domestic, care for children, invest in a romantic relationship, keep sexual intimacy within one relationship, and use their resources to invest in their appearance. Men receive one unrelenting message- do not be perceived as weak. This translates into every endeavor. They are supposed to be winners, to have emotional control, be risk takers, be dominant and self reliant, recognize the primacy of work, exercise power over women and constantly pursue status. When faced with these cultural expectations, if we buy into them, how can we ever measure up? One way we try is to pursue what we see as perfection. If we can look perfect and do things correctly we can avoid shame. Yet perfection is unachievable, but its pursuit ends up being addictive, for when we feel shame we believe that it is because we were not prefect enough. The author, who is a well educated over achiever, describes her own life as the pursuit of perfection in order to avoid shame- a quixotic journey at best. As opposed to perfection, she feels that we must have a recognition and appreciation for what is enough. When we believe that who we are is enough–rather than some culturally driven perception of perfection- then we can embrace a feeling of worthiness. We must find such feeling through sharing our vulnerabilities with others, but also by practicing self compassion. Self compassion has three elements: self kindness- being warm and understanding with ourselves when we fail; common humanity-feelings of inadequacy are shared experiences; and mindfulness- taking a balanced approach to negative emotions. By accepting ourselves as “enough”, she doesn’t suggest an abandonment of hard work and great effort to achieve reasonable goals. But she realizes that these efforts are not about winning or losing, they are about both. That is vulnerability, recognizing both and being fully engaged. She discusses the harmful effects of shame in the workplace, and characterizes it as the killer of innovation. When new ideas are ridiculed, the proponent is also ridiculed and made to feel less worthy. Such ridicule stifles new ideas and instead encourages employees to “not rock the boat” for fear of reprisal. She posits that when “an organization’s culture mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those who power it than it is to protect the basic dignity of individuals or communities, you can be certain that shame is systemic, money drives ethics, and accountability is dead”. When I read that I thought– Doesn’t it describe most large public and private bodies? If ridicule squelches creativity in the workplace, it does so on a much greater scale in our schools, where it is so common and the recipients are particularly vulnerable. Her discussion of parenting puts all this in an instructive perspective. She begins with a short statement that may best summarize being a parent: “Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting. The question isn’t are you parenting the right way, but, Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?” She goes much further, and stresses the importance of honesty with children and sharing difficult experiences that a mother or father may have gone through. However, she doesn’t suggest “telling all”. If there are wild escapades in a parent’s past, he or she must be careful in reciting such matters as these stories could validate behavior that you do not wish do encourage. She again stresses not teaching perfectionism–not asking children to seek self validation by valuing what others think. Most of all, she stresses that a child must always know that he or she is valued, is worthy of love and belonging. A child must also know that parents can never be perfect, but that parents and children can practice self compassion and vulnerability. She also again illustrates the difference between shame and guilt with children and notes the real difference between sending the message you are bad, and you did something bad. The first is shame and corrodes the part of us that believes we can do better. If a child tells a lie, she can change that behavior. If she’s a liar, where’s the potential for change in that? Most importantly, a child must know that he or she will always belong at home. The author defines “belonging” in contrast to “fitting in”. “Fitting in” is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” So rather than living in this culture of scarcity, she suggests “wholehearted living”. Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think-no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It is going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. This is the opposite of a life of scarcity. The author does make one foray into a sense of spirituality, in a very inclusive way, when she speaks of wholeheartedness and connectivity: “Spirituality was a fundamental guidepost to wholeheartedness- not religiosity but the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to one another by a force greater than ourselves- a force grounded in love and compassion.” Isn’t this indeed the common link between peoples?

Fantastic book! Please just get it! It’s a great read and very easy. I finished in 2 days. I’m not the fastest ready!!!

This book helped to change my life. Basically the book says people can only accomplish great things (to lead people, to do what they love, to be with people they love, etc.) from a place of authenticity. And to be in a place of authenticity you will have to be vulnerable. For example, if you want to create something new, there will always be the person or group trying to tell you can't do it. To be authentic means that every once in awhile, you will be your genuine self and someone is going to laugh at you/ reject you/criticize you. And instead of closing yourself off and saying, "Well I won't be doing that again" you just have to dust yourself off and say "Well that hurt but I'll live and I will still stay true to myself." Staying in authenticity is a bit of a practice really. So how did it change me? Well up until middle school (yea we're going waaaay back here), I had always been my true self. And had a healthy enough confidence level to weather any personal, albeit minor, storms in elementary school. But when I went from an all-girl school where I knew everyone and everyone knew me to a new elitist co-ed school where I knew no one (oh boy along with hormones and a whole new "species" of beings to interact with!), well let's just say I had a very hard time navigating those waters. And if it wasn't for a couple of really good friends early on I probably would morphed into the a most awkward and closed off person. But that did mean I had already put up some walls. I had a hard time being me with new people and I had a hard time taking risks and trying new things (but that's also an inborn tendency, see side story below). But of course, with experience comes the social skills to navigate any sort of circumstances and you are forced to try new things. Oh, and alcohol does wonders to put some cracks in those walls as well (yay for lower inhibitions!). And I've been going on my merry yet guarded ways ever since (though the trials and tribulations of dating had definitely built up the wall). Enter this book about a year ago and I have been trying to consciously and soberly (but not always) break down these walls ever since. So I am a natural introvert, socially awkward, cynical, with a tendency to just rattle on (oh plus many more other faults). But so what? That's me and really that's not too bad (of course that doesn't mean I'm complacent in my faults. I believe in always trying to better oneself hence my partialness for personal development aka self-help books). In terms of meeting new people, this has helped me immensely. I no longer dread new social interactions. In fact I sometimes look forward to them to try out my new authentic self on people who don't know anything about me. But really that's the least of it. Being authentic has led me to be braver. Basically it's the mentality of "I am who I am and I will do what I want to do and if I fail horribly and look like a fool, I know I will still be alright." I am less afraid of failure (though like I said, this whole mind set is a practice). I'm a natural-born wuss (side story: one of my mom's favorite stories about my childhood was that when I was a a small child learning how to climb the jungle gym, I would just go one step up and then one step down. Repeatedly, until I felt comfortable enough to try to go up 2 steps. Rinse, Repeat. I wonder now how long it took me to get to the top. Weeks? Months?). But this book has literally gotten me to dare greatly: I've met a bunch of new people, tried out new volunteer opportunities, learned how to ride a bike (at 30!), and quit my job (!!!). So many new vulnerable experiences, not least of which is writing this semi-confessional tmi review (sorry like I said, a tendency to rattle on).

This is not the first book of Berne Brown that I have read- and like the others she does not disappoint. I bought this book during the pandemic but didn't get around to reading it until recently. I realize the book was written in 2015- but still believe it is an excellent read and worth the time. Brown has an easy way of writing that you can really relate to. I actually had one of her other books as an audio book that she herself narrated- and could hear her voice as I read this book. The book is well written and an easy read- but full of good information to get you thinking about your own relationship with vulnerability. For anyone that wants to grow as a person in moving past the shame and emotional pain that can be life binding- this book is honestly a must read. I love her ideas on how to become shame resilient and make peace with vulnerability (still a work in progress here.). My only wish was that she went into more detail of ways to practice vulnerability for people who are not married or in a family situation. Difficulty with shame and vulnerability can keep some from ever finding a partner or starting a family- and no matter the age- when someone is trying to learn to embrace vulnerability and grow shame resilience without the support of a husband or parent- it is a different journey. Her ideas can most surely be extrapolated to all situations- but I admire her work and wish she was more complete in this area. Overall a great read. Happy to recommend.

Every person has his own strength and weakness, and weakness is something we don't want to face or admit. But we have it. The author describe well of each vulnerability and shame, and how to admit, accept, and restore step by step. It's good to read for self growth.

What more can I say than thank you for reminding me who I am and how I should be. You always hear corny tags like love your imperfections but it dies make sense- be genuine above all else and embrace your vulnerabilities and life will never turn against you. I loved the book, perfect seaside read :)

Enjoyed reading

Another gem.

I'm so glad I Received the book in good condition which actually was a concern for me. DARING GREATLY by @brenebrown As mentioned on the book cover " DARING GREATLY How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead. The word Vulnerable increased my curiosity to read this book. Being someone who has been criticized for being vulnerable and sensitive since forever thought of reading this book to just feel understood by someone atleast. But this book is a treasure of knowledge and helps you understand much more than I thought. The author has put 12 years of research in this book. No amount of words can express how good this book is and surely a must read for each and everyone hence I would rather best let you all know the content of the book. What it means to dare greatly? Chapter 1- Scarcity : Looking inside our culture of "Never Enough" Chapter 2 - Debunking the Vulnerability myths Chapter 3 - Understanding and combating Shame ( personally found this so helpful ) Chapter 4 - The Vulnerability Armory Chapter 5 - Mind the Gap : Cultivating Change and Closing the Disengagement Divide Chapter 6 - Disruptive Engagement : Daring to Rehumanize Education and Work Chapter 7 - Wholehearted Parenting : Daring to be the Adults We Want Our Children to Be ( this is a must chapter for most of the parents/would be parents it can change the entire way of parenting and built such amazing relation between the parents and the child ) I would just keep ranting that this book is a must read for each and everyone of all age grp and from all walks of life. Whatever role you play ( I'm sure you're playing multiple roles all the time) be it student, parent, professional (could be any), boss, leader you name it, this book will really help you do better and even personally it will help you understand some of your traits come from where (childhood or adolescence) and how to process them and do better for yourself.

The book is great, I mean it’s Brené Brown‘s.🤩 Uncomfortable truths, that’s what makes it even greater.♥️