A Way of Being

This is one of my favourite books by Carl R Rogers. It is beautifully written and clear to understand. I first read it over 15 years ago and find myself returning to it over the years. I would highly recommend it for anyone who wishes to develop their self awareness.

This was the first book by Rogers that I read. I read it earlier this year, whilst doing my Certificate course in counselling. As someone who was just beginning her long journey into the counselling world, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it - it helped to redefine to me the reasons why I was drawn to the profession in the first place. I think what I'm trying to say here is that I found this book at the right time in my life. As I was reading, I was not just appraising it from the hopeful counsllor in me, but at the time I was experiencing a painful relationship. In this relationship, I felt as though I was never properly listened to - if ever I expressed feeling hurt to my partner, my emotions were used by him as a way of attacking me, thus making me feel even more unloved and unappreciated, but bound to stay so as not to be alone. Reading this book, I began to see how abusive this relationship actually was. I actually think I appreciated this book more on my personal level than on the academic level which brought me to it originally. This book does not really offer advice for new counsellors on how to work with their clients. The only advice it gives about that is that the therapeutic relationship should involve empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard - if these core conditions are present, then the person seeking help is being offered the best environment for change to occur. However, although this work does not necessarily offer a counselling model to work by, what Rogers does illustrate is that people need to be 'allowed' to have feelings in order for them to properly function. If someone feels as though they need to hide or suppress their emotions, so as not to anger or hurt someone else, they are not allowing themselves to be the person they truly are. While clients seeking counselling most likely will have experienced something like this, all counsellors are only human too - before looking at their clients and asking how they cn help them, perhaps counsellors should read this and then ask themselves how they may help themselves! I salute Rogers for writing so honestly, not just about his experiences as a therapist, but as a person too. This book has shown that we would all do well to try and bring his core conditions into our lives as a whole, not just to the counselling room.

I have read a huge amount of material to improve my mental health, and to improve my ability to support others; CBT, DBT, ACT, Transactional Analysis, Psychodynamic/Psychoanalytic, amongst many others. Carl Rogers’ approach, in my opinion, is so much superior to every other method I have read that there is truly no comparison. I do not mean to slight other approaches-they may well help others-but for me, the Rogerian method is by far and away the best. Why do I think so? For example, Rogers’ method emphasises a humanistic method of listening to others, and, as much as possible, trying to be completely honest with yourself and others about exactly what you think and feel (what he terms Congruence). The listening style he teaches has VASTLY improved my ability to communicate with literally everyone I meet in my life; encouraging people to be honest, and to try and understand what they mean/believe in THEIR OWN words and from THEIR OWN perspective can and very often does quickly form bonds between you and others. Not to mention opening your mind to someone else’s ‘universe.’ As to Congruence, I have to be brave to practise this one! Being honest when you suspect or even know that your thoughts/feelings will be rejected is incredibly hard, but I have found it to be far better than hiding my true self, or pretending to be happy when I am sad: I think the trick is to gently, politely reveal any thoughts and feelings that you know are likely to meet with resistance (or even hostility), and to commit to not reverting back to ‘going along to get along,’ hiding your true feelings etc. This honesty improves depth in relationships, and makes it much easier to grow and progress in life. There is a LOT more to his teaching, and I would highly recommend this to absolutely everyone. Finally, as incredible as it seems, I agree with the title of this book; this can truly be a way of being, a way that is not artificial, or restrictive, or false, or mechanical. Rather, a way of enabling you to continually develop as a person in every way that you can possibly imagine. PS sorry for all the capitalisation (I couldn’t find a way of italicising the words I wanted to emphasise)…

This book was a good read but it did not teach me anything I did not already know but that is because I have learned many healing practices and read many many books. If you are interested in Carl Rogers and person centred appraoch to life it is one to have and to learn how he got to be the founder of pcc and his journey . if you are new to the concept of person centred approach it is a must have and also person centred counselling in actioin By D Mearnes is a must have also. If you are new to learning more about your true self and yours or others feelings and how or why they may act, this is a good starting book. I would recommend this book to all students of counselling, counsellors and people who would like to know them selves a bit better also anyone who is interested in people and why we are the way we are.

What an amazing man Carl Rogers was! The clarity and honesty of his writing is unsurpassed. His total respect and ability to listen to others and be fully present is so unusual. This book is his own life review as he looks back from his seventies and is pleasantly surprised by his achievements and how his work, from small beginnings, has been taken forward by others and has grown and changed with time. However, his core belief in the actualising potential of human beings remains steadfast. Carl Rogers also looks forwards. He speaks of the importance and pleasure of working with younger colleagues, whose ideas may challenge and surpass his own. He speaks about the realities of growing older and how important it is to take responsibility for our selves and not try to please others. He also turns upside down some preconceptions of aging by mentioning that he has written and published more between 65 and 75 than during the rest of his life. This is a moving distillation of Roger's wisdom gleaned over a lifetime.

A fine piece of writing by CR. In it he simply and powerfully communicates himself to the reader. A way of being, his way of being, laid out clearly and broadly. From that we are free to accept and take or leave what we want. I wish I had found him and his work when I was an adolescent. I've always found the person centred idea of how to usefully approach and if relevant support another person, a good compass to live by; this very accessible, little book, with its very digestible and coherent sections, places that rather proven idea in the context of pretty much all of life's aspects. At times his example, or exemplifying of this his way of being, is rather over-whelming: even then one's self-defensive reaction remains helpful; reflexively illuminating what might play out for another when they are approached in a person-centred manner.

There is always a different way to see things and Carl Rogers always makes me see things differently. Quite a brilliant man.

Love it. Read this book years ago but now have a slight sight problem which makes reading difficult. I have a Kindle App on my pc now and I am able to enlarge the font and enjoy it all over again.