The Strong, Sensitive Boy: Help Your Son Become a Happy, Confident Man

Exposes Our Male Culture of Cruelty and Its Devastating Effects on the Young This is a really good book that everybody needs to read, not just the parents of highly sensitive boys. If I could I would make it a 10 star. It's not a fun book to read, but a deeply saddening and troubling one because it exposes the fact that we and our cultural backwardness are the cause of our own problems. When I read that 80% of boys raised in the North American cultures of the United States and Canada are taught that no emotions are acceptable except anger, I was deeply saddened. Yet, even though this book brought back some unhappy memories of my own childhood as a female HSP, it also made me feel better about it because I realized that all the bad things that happened to me weren't my fault. Also, although the author didn't say anything about it, I couldn't help but think that we are breeding our boys for war. I may be wrong, but that's the only thing I can think of that a person who is in a constant state of anger and combativeness would be good for. I looked up the top ten weapons makers in the world, and guess what? Numbers 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 and 9 (6 in all) are situated in the United States. To me that suggests that we've got to have wars so that all these young men we have brought up to have angry, combative personalities can have something to do and the weapons makers can sell their weapons. I keep wondering which one of these came first, the weapons industry or the teaching of our sons to be killers. It's not hard to understand why we have so much violent crime in this country, both in and outside the family, and so many broken homes. One wonders if this is going to go on until we blow ourselves off the face of the earth, or are enough people going to wake up to the devastating effects of this culture of cruelty in time to save us. The author also speaks of the cultural and media driven notion that there is only one type of body a man can have if he is to be successful, powerful, virile and masculine, and that is a highly muscular one. With this idea promulgated everywhere, why are we condemning the young men and boys who are desperate to get the approval of society for using steroids to get our culture's idea of the ideal body? In fact, this is the only way a young man with an ectomorphic physique can get a muscular body no matter how much time he spends in a gym. Are we that much in denial or just incredibly stupid? There is also the matter of the highly sensitive male automatically being stereotyped as a homosexual when there is no scientific proof whatsoever that that is so. But we have a culture that is bound and determined to believe that anyone who doesn't fit our concept of what is masculine must be feminine. There is no room for any other type of person. What I want to know is what do people think about Jesus Christ? He was compassionate. He was kind. Have all those he-men who claim to be devout Christians been worshipping a homosexual all these centuries? Why does he get respect when other men with these same traits don't? How can you both approve and disapprove of the same thing at the same time? Check out some of the highly sensitive men's stories in this book. Some of them are tragic and heartbreaking. They were not acceptable human beings to their parents, teachers, school officials and other boys who often bullied and beat them unmercifully on a continuing basis. What would you do if you were in this position and had no one to turn to? Some teens and children could find no alternative but to commit suicide. As far as I'm concerned, the blood of these youngsters is on the hands of our "wonderful" American culture. Frankly I think it's the epitome of hypocrisy to call ourselves the kindest, most generous people in the world when we hold up angry, violent males as the ideal of American manhood. Every so often some of these hypocrites make a lot of noise about wanting to ban guns as if guns were the cause of the problem. I shouldn't have to say this because common sense should tell you that violent people will use whatever is at hand to beat and maim others. They don't necessarily have to have guns. What we need is a culture with a different attitude, a grown up attitude, if that's possble. Long ago a famous author named Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem about what it takes to be a man. The poem was called "If," and it, too, became very famous. Some thoughtful fathers hung copies of it on the walls of their sons' rooms. The language is a little archaic for people today, but it would behoove a lot of people in this country to take heed because it never mentions the flashy muscle guy or the tough, heartless and cruel combatant. Instead it talks about having faith and trust in yourself; having the courage of your convictions; having the patience to see a thing through to its conclusion; avoiding lies and hate, your own and that of others; the courage and fortitude to rebuild your life even though you may have lost everything and have to start over with nothing; not being a whiner; being impervious to the taunts and slights of lesser men(and they are lesser men because if they weren't they'd be too noble and high minded to taunt and slight others. Those are the actions of little men.); to have the ability to speak with and relate to people on all levels of society without treating them as either inferiors or superiors. The ideas in this poem strike me as better precepts for boys to grow up with than glorifying behavior that is turning all too many men into detriments to society rather than assets. In conclusion, the book is loaded with helpful information to use to help a boy who is an HSP, and I think, is a must for anyone that has a child like this in their family. Considering what we are up against, we need all the help we can get. We are a genuine minority group whose rights are being trampled all over big time. We need to organize and start demanding change. Changes that are good for us will be good for every human being. Don't believe for a moment that those guys can't express anything but anger aren't suffering. Their families and society as a whole are suffering too.

I found a lot of useful information in this book. I am a highly sensitive man myself, and although this is primarily written for parents of sensitive boys there is much to be gained from sensitive people reading it also.

Let me start by saying that I, myself, am a 19 year old boy who knew there was "something wrong" with me for as long as I can remember. I have always been artistically inclined and deeply moved by emotions I always kept hidden. My parents weren't the most supportive and I really didn't "bond" with neither one of them. I decided to move out of the toxic environment that is my house and through some self-realization and self-healing I decided to order the book "The Strong, Sensitive Boy." I actually found it while browsing for other books and it caught my attention. Since I knew that I have always been a sensitive boy, I figured why not? This book has changed my life. I think this is perhaps the only book that truly helped me find myself. After reading it, I realized that I have been lying to myself all these years pretending to be something I am not. Now, as a 19 year old college student, after so many years, I have finally found myself. This book is a great healing book for those sensitive boys whose wounds were invisible to everyone else. I have never had a problem discussing my emotions with true friends who care about me and this is why I am not ashamed to recommend this book for any guy who grew up putting up a persona that the world would approve of instead of the who they truly are. If you are a parent: Please don't belittle your sensitive son or daughter, for that matter. Take it from someone who suffered emotional and physical abuse from his parents, the wounds are real and will haunt him a lifetime. It is your job as a parent to protect him in a world in which he will most likely find himself alone. And if you are a dad, well...the only thing I can say is that you should love your son for who he is, not who you want him to be. Remember he didn't come into this earth, he came out of it. The human condition has many faces and forms (attending college and accepting myself has really helped me enlighten myself). He will need a permanent, strong male role model. After two decades, I have yet to feel any love from my dad other than the one he pulls out of his wallet and although, I resent him for a lot of things, this book has helped me accept that his skewed view of what it is to be a man is paradoxically ironic for a true man is not the cold, quiet, strong figure that our culture portrays it to be but rather, one who stands up for what he believes is right.

This is a fantastic book that provided invaluable tips for how to care for a sensitive child. It helped me to have a vision for what my son's life might look like, and as a result it was all very positive. The sensitive child has the potential for a challenging time throughout the school years and at home with parents who do not understand them. The author attempts to mitigate the challenges by providing insight and possible solutions. I loaned it to another friend of a sensitive boy and she, too, found it incredibly helpful. It will be my go-to handbook on my 4 year old son in the upcoming years. I am so thankful I read it!

Being a highly sensitive person myself I was able to pick up on subtle signs that my son was displaying. Knowing that his gender would make his experience as an HSP unique to mine, I began looking for resources. As a therapist and the mother of a sensitive boy, this has proven to be one the best books that I have ever read. Ted Zeff provides insight into the sensitive boy as well as permission for boys and men to be unique to their own design and desires rather than stereotypes defined by society. Upon beginning this easy read, I was able to implement strategies for addressing my son's actions, emotions, as well as his communication style. I also quickly realized what I needed to change about my parenting style. I have recommended this book to moms who describe their boys as shy or sensitive. The Strong and Sensitive Boy has helped me to work with adult men who struggle with feeling different than their peers. We live in a world that equates physical strength and lack of emotion with manhood. Ted Zeff does a wonderful job of teaching us ways to help our caring and compassionate young men find a voice, and tools for living in a world in which these positive traits are negated. The most important thing that I have learned is that sensitivity and compassion are not opposing traits to strength, rather complimentary. As a mom and a therapist, I would highly recommend The Strong and Sensitive Boy. Kim Rapach, LCSW Owner/Therapist Bending Birch Counseling, Inc. WEBSITE: [...] EMAIL: [email protected]

After two years of wondering why my elementary-age son felt weird in different lighting and sound scenarios and going to doctor after doctor with no answers, we finally feel that we have some answers thanks to this book. Who would've guessed that sensitivity to lights and sounds would be linked to his emotionally sensitive personality? Great resource for parents. I only wish it offered a little more on what to do with this information now that we have it.

This is a fantastic book for parents raising highly sensitive boys in parts of the world that expect males to be tough and emotionless. Dr. Zeff interviews thirty highly sensitive men form five different countries, demonstrating the factors that had the biggest impact on these individuals growing up, such as relationships with fathers, school, making friends, sports, just to name a few. Reading these men's stories and finding out what helped and hurt them the most is not only moving, but also helps to open the eyes and hearts of fathers ̶ and mothers ̶ who may be trying to "toughen up" their sensitive boys. If you have a highly sensitive son, this book is for you!

This book was a little disappointing for me. The biggest takeaway I had was to stay tuned in to cues and signs that your son needs a little downtime or might be having some social troubles and also to make sure to really compliment those sensitive sides of his personality. While good to plant in my mind, I'm not sure I needed a whole book to tell me this. I'd really like good tips on how to help him negotiate conflicts and how to not break down or feel devastated so easily, etc while still fostering his self esteem and worth. My biggest issue with this book, however, was the very broad generalizations the author seems to make. The whole book is centered around his 'study' of 30 men who meet the characteristics of HSM/HSB. I have been searching the literature to find the study but cannot. This is a very small sample size to come up w/ some of the conclusions he states as fact, in particular the ones related to non-North American vs North American. He has representatives from only 3 other countries in his sample group (Thailand, India, & Denmark) and I was never clear how many men that actually was of the 30. Additionally, the section on public schools was, in my opinion, quite skewed toward an assumption that all public schools are some sort of crazy chaotic mess with little resources to help any kids with different needs. While he did acknowledge that some schools/classes would likely be fine, it was the way it was presented as "public school" in a negative way. There are so many wonderful public schools around our country, and of course there are those that are not well staffed and equipped, and in many kids' situations the parents should explore private options if necessary and possible, but I got a very negative sense from that section of the book. Overall I think readers just need to take the general ideas but remember that the examples and assumptions are based on a small group of people that were interviewed.

Very good, informative book that is well-structured and written in a warm, encouraging style. I'm glad I bought it and would by it again.

El libro "The Strong, Sensitive Boy" de Ted Zeff es una lectura esencial no solo para padres de niños altamente sensibles, sino para cualquier persona interesada en comprender mejor los desafíos que enfrentan los niños en una sociedad que frecuentemente valora la dureza sobre la sensibilidad. Este libro es un llamado de atención sobre cómo nuestra cultura a menudo moldea a los niños para que adopten una única forma de masculinidad, centrada en la agresividad y la supresión de emociones, excepto la ira. Me impactó profundamente el descubrimiento de que en las culturas de América del Norte, se enseña a un gran porcentaje de niños a expresar únicamente la ira, dejando de lado otras emociones humanas fundamentales. Esta revelación no solo me hizo reflexionar sobre mi propia infancia como mujer sensible, sino también sobre las ramificaciones más amplias de esta educación emocional en nuestra sociedad. Una de las reflexiones más profundas del libro es la posible conexión entre la crianza de nuestros hijos con una predisposición a la ira y la combatividad, y la perpetuación de la industria armamentística. Esto plantea preguntas inquietantes sobre las prioridades y valores de nuestra sociedad. Además, el libro aborda cómo se estigmatiza injustamente a los hombres sensibles, a menudo etiquetándolos erróneamente como homosexuales, lo que revela una rigidez preocupante en nuestras concepciones de género y sexualidad. Las historias personales incluidas en el libro son conmovedoras y a veces desgarradoras, ilustrando las consecuencias trágicas de una cultura que no valora ni respeta la sensibilidad masculina. Estos relatos resaltan la urgente necesidad de un cambio cultural que abrace una gama más amplia de expresiones emocionales y estilos de vida masculinos. El autor también desafía la noción cultural de que el único cuerpo masculino deseable es uno musculoso, cuestionando las expectativas poco realistas y dañinas que se imponen a los hombres y niños. Esto plantea preguntas importantes sobre la relación entre la imagen corporal, la salud mental y las presiones sociales. En resumen, "The Strong, Sensitive Boy" es una lectura reveladora que destaca la necesidad de un cambio cultural significativo. Este libro no solo es valioso para aquellos que crían a niños sensibles, sino para cualquiera que busque entender y abogar por una sociedad más compasiva y equitativa. La urgencia de un cambio en nuestras actitudes colectivas y prácticas de crianza nunca ha sido más clara.

So helpful for parents, it brings examples and ideas re what can help a highly sensitive boy. I found the case studies helpful.

One of the best books on male sensitivity - perhaps the only book to deal with the topic directly. I highly recommend it. Elaine Aron's introduction is worth the price of the book, but Zeff speaks with the authentic voice of personal experience. A transforming book for sensitive men. We are not alone.

I think this book is very helpful. It can not only apply to my boy but also apply to me. I learned lots of tips from it. Highly recommend it.